Sunday, September 23, 2018

Confessions: Friends and Money



My Dad had a best friend from College. Theirs was a friendship that run the test of time that even when they graduated, had work and families they still stayed in touch. They even had a tradition of getting together every Christmas or New Year with us their families tagging along. You'd think that having been friends for so long that nothing would break that closeness. You know what ended that? Money.

Now while I don't believe that money is the root of all evil, I understand now why there's a saying friends and money don't mix. I stumbled upon this article recently about why friendships and money don't mix and found myself agreeing with the writer.

I partly blame myself for putting myself in a stressful situation like this because I've been loaning money to friends regardless of what they need it for. I don't care if it's to pay for new clothes or for something as serious maybe as a tuition fee for their kid or for sickness. If I consider you a friend and I have something to spare, I would lend the money. I just expect to be paid back for it of course because it is a loan.

You know why they say friends and money don't mix? It's because money can strain a friendship.

I once had a friend, a very close one, whom I had to loan money for because well it needed to be done. We were travelling and my friend didn't have pocket money to spend for the trip. It was something I had to find out an hour before we were set to leave for the airport to visit another country where cost of living is high! That experience was probably the first time I ever thought that people are right about money and friendship not mixing together. Needless to say that travel wasn't as much fun as we had hoped it would be because of the money problem and we fought about it because it felt as though I was pushed to the wall. What made the situation even worse was seeing my friend's lifestyle - spending for unnecessary things here and there. It made me wonder why I couldn't be paid back when I needed the money when it seemed as though my friend had more than enough money after all?

I also know of a friend who would ask me to pay for both of us first when we're dining out or ask me for a favor to pay for an item bought online because said friend was not around and did not leave money to pay for it. It turned out asking this person to pay up would be a very difficult task. It came to a point where I was finding myself asking to be paid and being paid but not the whole amount because as the person liked to say I earn a lot anyway. But that's not the point is it? It's also not right. If we owe a friend, we should pay back the same amount of money you asked him or her to shell out on your behalf especially when it's for luho and not a need.

And then again, another friend who asked me for a favor that involves shelling out money on an agreement that I would be paid back once I give the items I was asked to buy. Turns out, even with a whole lot of clarifying that it was a loan and not a gift and confirming that I would be paid back, I'm not going to see the money ever again as it appears there's no intention of getting paid back after all.

More than not getting my money back, you know what I find more bothersome? It's the idea of people whom I call friends breaking my trust. I trusted them to be responsible enough to be good for the money since we're all adults, with stable jobs that we may or may not hate but pays for our bills and luho in life but then when time came to pay back debt, they don't come through for you. I trusted them to be honest enough with their situation as well to tell me why they haven't come through with the money, when they can pay back or if they can even pay back (yes, I would at least like to know that they have no intention of paying so I also know never to lend them again. Expectations managed.) Trust is a very important value in any kind of relationship and when that's gone, it's hard to earn back. 

It's a frustrating situation that I had put myself in. It's also a hurtful situation because they're supposed to be my friends. Friends care about each other's welfare, don't they? But it seems to be a lesson I'm learning the hard way. Money won't ruin your friendship. I know this too because I have friends whom I lent money to but cared enough to come through with their word. What ruins a friendship? It's friends breaking your trust that do.


Current List

Currently watching: Glow 

It's another Netflix original series about a group of female wrestlers. I'm only on episode 4 of Season 1 and I'm still trying to decide whether I like it or not. A friend told me he was watching this on Netflix and I got curious. I honestly thought it was a musical. I guess I misread what I saw on Facebook about this show before. I think what I actually read was that this show has a good soundtrack because so far, that's what I like about it.

Just listen to the music on the background of this trailer.



Currently reading: Finding Audrey

Still have not gotten around to making a dent out of this book enough to fully understand the story! But from what I read from its plot. Audrey has social anxiety disorder and she wears dark glasses all the time even at home. Then she meets Linus, her brother's friend who gets to break down her walls.



Since this seems to be about mental disorders, this could be a good discussion with Ryan, who teaches psychology.


Current fashion brand love: Straightforward 

It was Ryan who introduced me to Straightforward. He loves this fashion brand because of its neutral colors, simplicity and affordability. We keep checking out the store in Mall of Asia! So one day, during our usual visit to the store, I decided I'd check out the women's clothing and I'm surprised to find that I'm drawn to it. If you and I are close in real life, you'll know that I love wearing colorful outfits. Ryan says my fashion style is a lot of color blocking because I would wear a pastel green top with a pink pastel skirt and mustard yellow sandals or a red printed cami top and teal skirt with white heels. I rarely wear neutrals or all black (unless it's a work event that calls for it). There are at least two or three colors in one outfit for me.

They recently released a new collection which I am loving - again! This is my favorite out of the new collection:




It's the linen button down dress. I like it both in mint and beige. I find it simple but elegant at the same time. It's almost Php1,500 each and I want to buy them both! Good luck sa wallet ko! LOL! But I see myself wearing it for my upcoming Hongkong trip.








 

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