This week was one of the most stressful I’ve felt since I came back to PR and it felt very exhausting for me. It’s ironic that I felt this way considering Monday was a non-working holiday and Friday I was on leave. Well supposed to be on leave. I had to work even though I filed for vacation leave. There wasn’t much of a choice. It was either work or enjoy the possible consequence of it later… But I felt so bad. Not just because I had to work. More so because of how I had been this past week. Physically I was outside the office but mentally, my mind was preoccupied with work. Work. Work. I feel bad because I know I missed things this week. I missed out on enjoying my time at the gym with people I care about. I missed out on fun conversations. I missed out on enjoying my stay at this really nice hotel I booked and I missed bonding time with my friend whom I went to that staycation with. I’m not going to get those back. And I felt bad about it.
And I feel worse that I lashed out on someone. Someone who also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter and so I was tapped to help out.
I don’t want to keep repeating this experience. Over and over again. I’m grateful these past two days at least were peaceful. I was able to do reflect on how my week had been and what I can do to avoid feeling this way in the future.
1. Be in the moment. It’s been a habit of mine that even when I’m not at the office, I’m going to go online to check my emails. While commuting. While at the gym. While eating. It’s been my way of making sure I’m still on top of things. But from checking, I go on to answering emails. Sending text messages. Making phone calls or taking one. Checking Viber and responding there… As a result, I miss out on giving time for people and enjoying my moment in time.
My friends are not demanding of my time or attention. But I know they don’t like it that I’m always on my phone. And I don’t like the feeling that when I’m finally able to give them time or attention, the chance is gone because it’s time to part ways.
2. Let go. They say what you resist persist. It may not look it but I am a controller. And I have a need to be right. When these attitudes surface, I find myself in resistance. I push. And I insist. And then I push and I insist some more. When things don’t go my way, I get frustrated and I get angry. And things only get worse from there.
And so I promise to let go and just do. When I feel that urge to be right or to stir things to the way I want it to go, I will do my best to push those thoughts way way down.
Who needs this stress really? Who wants to feel bad everytime? Certainly not me. I want to be happy. I want to be at peace.